February 08, 2008

No. Just ... no.

From the magical alternate universe that is Craig's List:

Could it be you?

Reply to: ANONYMIZED
Date: 2008-02-02, 3:19PM

I like girls of all styles: femme (low-maintenance, please), boi, androgenous, FTM (pre/no-op), genderqueer. Caucasian, Latina, Multi-racial are my favorites. I also have some deep-seated love for Drag Kings! ;)

Can we have a talk about how much I hate: a) the phrase "high/low-maintenance," b) the rush to imply that femmes, in particular, are "high-maintenance," and c) referring to FTMs as a "style" of "girl"? (Ohhh, but only if they're pre- or no-op! Because, I mean, what's the point of dating an FTM "girl" without boobs, right?)

Sadly, this crap is super-common, although I think this is the first time I've seen both femme-targeted snideness and total lack of understanding of what "FTM"means in the same ad.

Sorry, honey, but I'm not going to respond to that kind of emotional blackmailing - I'll ask for what I need from my partner, and do whatever it takes to make myself comfortable in my own skin, and I won't be shamed out of it by snotty claims that I require too much maintenance. If your ego or your free-wheelin' schedule can't take that, I don't have the time or the energy to maintain you.

And if you think that someone's going to go through all the self-discovery, social hassle, and every medical intervention that doesn't involve a scalpel, all to be acknowledged as a female-to-male transperson by the world . . . and, after all that, decide to date someone who refers to him as a "girl" -- well, all I'm sayin' is, don't hold your breath.


Looking forward to hearing from you!

Yeah. That's not going to happen. Unless you're reading this.

5 comments:

icarus said...

oh, craigslist.

There are quite a few predictable categories for craigslist W4W:

- The men pretending to be women. This is like 95% of the posters. Hints might include: posting the same ad over and over again, but with pictures of different women, any photos involving nudity or long fingernails and any ads that give out a screename.

- Women with boyfriends who want them to hook up with a woman, or women with a boyfriend who want to hook up with another woman secretly. Hints include: the word "discrete" (also spelled "discreet") or "NSA," or, "he will not be involved." Sometimes "bisexual" is used to mean "in a relationship with a man." This is bad PR for non-sketchy bisexuals.

The rest fall into a few more categories:

- Women who aren't trying to meet anyone, but really like correcting other people's spelling.

- Women who say really transphobic stuff.

- Women who TYPE ONLY IN CAPS AND USE UNINTELLIGIBLE ABBREVIATIONS.

- Women who are married.

- Women who post really long ads complaining about how craigslist is the worst place to meet women and how all the women posting there are really men, etc, etc, and then end with "so send me an email if you're different."

- Women who want to do a lot of drugs before having sex with you.

As you can see, craigslist W4W is a fertile dating ground. If you're a man. Or enjoy correcting spelling errors.

mk said...

Don't forget women arguing about Toast.

Then again, I met my girlfriend through craigslist. But I'm also a nerd, and my ad was a dating resume.

emily2 said...

- Women who post really long ads complaining about how craigslist is the worst place to meet women and how all the women posting there are really men, etc, etc, and then end with "so send me an email if you're different."

Guilty!

(But it works.)

Correcting spelling errors does NOT work, however.

As to the Craigslist post in the article, the poster is certainly less obnoxious than the people who post "absolutely no butches/femmes/black people/Asian people, etc." But even the example I just gave doesn't bug me. Dating and sexual attraction isn't PC, and Craigslist is one place where people can be honest about what they want.

[Honestly, the poster you featured actually sounds a lot more open-minded about dating than I am. It looks like she made unintentional errors that can be cured with a bit of education. :)]

Anonymous said...

I'm type one. They spelled androgynous wrong.

-em0

icarus said...

Ily has a great post about asexual dating and craigslist. enjoy!