There are some things in my life that are startling to those who are not transgendered. They don't know or haven't considered them, mostly because they have to do with sex and vaginas.
I would like to take a moment to highlight some interesting things about being transgendered.
For me, I had only one real New Year's Resolution: to wank on a regular basis. This might seem like overshare or the text equivalent of "flashing", but there's an actual medical reason for it.
See, as a trans woman I have to do a lot of things that factory direct women don't: for example, I need to maintain my vagina through the use of surgical-grade fake cocks. We call it "dilation", but what it means is "jamming large, heavy, hard phalloi up your hooter to keep it stretched out and in shape". I have to do this even though I don't date men or like being penetrated by a partner because very bad things happen to those who do not do it... My friends all know about this because I bitch about it. Anyone whose experience dilating comes to fade in with masturbation over time, as in (I believe) Trans*sister Radio, is either lying or really, really lucky, because that shit is uncomfortable. It's like lead-centered stone dildos, only they are really made of superdense plastic alloys, and they are just unpleasant and the dilation is not comfortable. Also after being cleaned and stuff, they end up in the dish drainer, which is no end of amusement to visitors. "It wouldn't be Em's house without dildos in the strainer!"
But I digress.
Masturbation. Women can have a hard time coming, they often need to learn where shit is and play around. I understand that feeling, since my nerves and brain are trying to come to terms with my new bodily configuration while I am trying to heal and figure out that same stuff. Physically I am tough enough (and have been a while) but the nerves didn't really kick back in until the early summer (2007), and the best thing I can do to improve my sex and learn to have a normal sex life and stupendous orgasms is to masturbate.
The only thing is that I have gotten out of the habit because for so long I couldn't come (hadn't healed or the nerves were still wonky) so I just suffered blueballs.
So while I have had fun here and there, I really need to buckle down and wank away on a very regular basis. The more I wank the better it gets. So now I have a reminder to masturbate. I'm trying to make it comfortable and regular by swapping days - dilate one, masturbate the next - but I have privacy issues in my home and it's awkward. Despite my fearless and appalling willingness to discuss taboo subjects and overshare, I'm actually very shy about the self-sex... I don't want people hearing my vibe buzzing or some other creeping-them-out noises, and my door doesn't actually shut.
Well, anyway, that was my random and not well-written exposé of a post-op transsexual woman; welcome to my world of brutally enforced jilling and cruel dildos of doom.
Yeah, so if you bitch about your period, remember I walk around bowlegged and sore from dilating like 3 out of 7 days... and because I need to use lube galore (I don't gush when turned on, darlings), even wanking is as messy as it was when I was a boy. I am like lube central. I know brands, qualities, prices, smells... I have a lube cellar instead of a wine cellar.
Anyway, I really would rather be sleeping and all this talk of sex has made me sleepy.