October 03, 2006

I'm pretty sure they're kidding.

This site is a big fuck you (er, so to speak) to abstinence-only education. Props to aurora.

Dear AbstinenceOnly,

My boss and I have been carrying on a kind of abstinent non-affair for several years now (He's married.) To sublimate the sexual tension between us we like to launch billions of dollars worth of high explosives from aircraft and submarines into heavily populated urban areas in the Middle East. Afterwards we watch films of the attacks with Donnie and Dick, our officemates, who like to wear leather masks and
ball-gags while masturbating and making soft gurgling noises.

I know it doesn't sound ladylike, but looking at those explosions and imagining all those people dying in a horrific spray of blood, fire, bone, gristle, tissue and sinew... it just gets me slicker than scum off a Louisiana swamp. Then my boss, bless his soul, reaches over and gently holds my hand.

-Condoleezza R. (address withheld by request)


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