January 23, 2006

More Fun with OkCupid!

Oh, man.

I'm thinking about disabling instant messaging on OkCupid, but sometimes these conversations are really amusing.

Him: which do u like more guys or girls?

Me: I don't really know. And I'm not sure it matters, since I'm with someone now.

Him: man or woman?

Me: Woman.

Him: miss the cock at all?

Me: Not your business, I'd say. Besides, some women have cocks.

Him: plastic ones

Me: No, real ones

Him: you've done that?

Me: Done what?

Him: a woman with a penis?

Me: Like my girlfriend? Yes.

Him: holy moly really? is it big?

Me: Also not your business.

Him: man i'd give my eye teeth to suck on that ;)

Me: Yeah, well she's with someone, too.

Him: wow what a triangle...

Me: Actually, it would probably suck. What with her being a lesbian.

Him: true. well, i doubt that it is 8" long ;)

Me: Wouldn't you like to know

Him: WEll i doubt it if she is transgenered normally the part are pretty small


Em0 and I are having fun with him. Feel free to join in.

User: boston_muffdive


LeDiva said...

So many desperate men, so few tranq guns.

Him: when was the last time you were with another girl?
Me: I spent time last night with my roommate. We watched TV.
Him: alright, when was the last time you had sex with another girl?
Me: Weekend before last, if I remember correctly.
Him: sorry, work issues
Him: did you pick her up, or did you know her previously?
Me: We've been dating for almost five years now.
Him: good for you! are you dating any guys?
Me: Not at the moment, no.
Him: I'd bang you
Him: do you prefer women to men?
Me: I prefer people with a sense of romance and subtlety, regardless of gender.
Him: I prefer people who speak their minds
Me: I'll keep that in mind.
Him: don't keep it in your mind, free it from your mind
Me: But I want to pet it and feed it and love it and squeeze it and call it George.
Him: you want to name my dick George?
Me: Who said anything about your dick? (Well, besides you, just now.)
Him: don't squeeze it too hard
Me: Given that I'm increasingly unlikely to come into any contact with it, I think I can safely say that's not going to happen.
Him: that's too bad, you made George sad.
Me: George clearly leads a sheltered life if rejection from a random online person makes him sad.
Him: blah, blah, blah... are you any fun?
Me: ERROR: Subroutine fun() not found. Please restate query.

(It was around here I really started to lose interest... but what the heck, it's a slow day in the office.)

Him: blow me
Me: My mommy always told me not to put yucky things in my mouth.
Him: my mommy told me if i peed on the toilet seat again she'd make me lick it off
Me: Yes, but that was meant to _discourage_ the behavior.
Him: so fucking what
Me: Oh, I just thought you might appreciate some insight into your mother's childrearing techniques.
Me: I'm nothing if not generous with my insight.
Him: don't make me pee on you
Me: I would hope you have better bladder control than that. Then again, that would explain why your mother was so annoyed at your unfortunate toilet behaviors.
Him: can we turn the conversation back to licking snatch?
Me: "back to" implies the conversation had previously touched on it.
Him: do you shave
Me: Shaving, peeing... you've really got this whole bathroom fixation, don't you? I also take showers. And sometimes... I look in the mirror to brush my hair.

Anonymous said...


The Absolute Best Way I've ever seen to deal with random pictures of genitalia. :)

(Not a spammer, I promise. Just someone who'd rather not have hir name associated with the phrase "random pictures of genitalia".)

maudite entendante said...

a) "plastic ones" are "real ones." ;cp

b) I'm noticing a trend here - people seem to be confused about the meaning of "trans woman," or for that matter "my girlfriend with a flesh-and-blood penis." They seem to interpret "girlfriend" as FTM. That's the only thing I can think of that would even begin to explain his poorly-spelled-and-declined assertion that "if she is transgenered normally the part are pretty small" ... and there, still, he is clearly no expert.

Word: tdodeg, the state of having had to become an expert on precisely this thing, to satisfy the curiosity of one's mother.