January 30, 2006

In which I become the official sex-toy blogger

So ... in general, I like The Pyramid Collection. I'm a vapid New-Ager, I guess. That, and I really like corsets and other pretty things. (I'm also a hot-linking fiend tonight, it seems...)

But I can't help giggling at their ... intimate ... products.

Take, for example, the Liberté Contour Massager:

Liberte Contour Massager

Designed by women, for women: The shape and curve of Liberté™gently massages a variety of muscles, offering personal satisfaction, taste, and discretion. Quiet, powerful motor offers three speeds of vibration. Uses 2 AA batteries (not included). 8" long, 1 1/4" diam.

... "a variety of muscles," you say? Pray tell, which muscles would those be?

Pyramid seems intent on not enlightening us, as they offer up massager after massager designed to provide "stress relief" with "quiet, discreet performance." They
're "ergonomically designed" "by women, for women," incorporating "stimulating, thumb-and-forefinger–simulating design." They "conform to a woman’s curves, sending waves of pleasing vibrations quietly and discreetly enough to be enjoyed anywhere." But which curves? And how often have you desperately needed a massage underwater?

Is it to escape some sort of postal obscenity laws that Pyramid uses these absurd layers of euphemisms for - let's talk about this like big kids, shall we - vibrators? And if so, why in heaven's name are they still allowed to advertise "Totally Nude Aerobics" DVDs?

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