December 29, 2005


Why do you do what you do?

These images are a tiny sample of the wdydwyd? project, without a doubt the coolest thing since PostSecret.

I dare you to answer.

December 28, 2005

My Friend Rants About Her Partner's Mother

so, an unnamed friend of mine just came back from a less-than-pleasant holiday at the inlaws'. it was too amusing not to share...

i thought no one was more insane than my own mother. the only difference between a jewish mother and an asian mother is that the jewish mother is bigger. so the asian mother has more scream per cubic inch, but when you're talking about pure surface area, the jewish mother is more formidable.


so my girlfriend's mother asked me if i wanted an enema last night. this culminated four days of constant nagging and making me cook her enough meat products to feed the jackal and hyena population in africa (which resulted in severe constipation). she sat in her extreme extra size armchair, resembling an oversized pear (a la a fruit of the loom mascot) and screeched at me for four days straight while she had me cook poultry, steak, and pork chops for her. every so often she would say "num num."

by the fourth day, i was unable to ignore the mass that had lodged itself in my colon and which was growing at an alarming pace (after all, she would also FORCE ME TO EAT MY OWN MEAT CONCOCTIONS - which i normally don't mind, but if the portion is bigger than ME, i'm probably not going to be feeling very good afterwards).

my girlfriend announced very loudly that i was constipated. so her mother squinted, pointed a fleshy finger at me and told me to go to the bathroom and give myself an enema, which i refused to do. i ran upstairs and hid under the covers.



HA HA HA Fuckers.

This just in: Charlize Theron is the third leading actor to give the finger to the 1950s sexism of James Bond, following Angelina Jolie & Scarlett Johansson.

Fuck yeah!

Notice how the actors in question are described.

The new blonde James Bond is having a bit of trouble finding a 'Bond Girl.' A-list superstar actresses Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron have reportedly snubbed the chance to be the next Bond girl.

That has left the producers of upcoming film Casino Royale in crisis, according to one report.

Angelina was said to be set to 'toughen up' the role, while the 30-year old Theron was set to class it up. To make matters worse, 21-year old buxom blonde Scarlett Johansson has already snubbed the new 007.

They should have made the next James Bond a hot butch lesbian. That's my feeling on the topic.

Actually, you could aim for historical accuracy and make him a faggot. The "seductive opposite" in the Cold War years in real life was usually a man - I happen to know some ex-Cold War agents, and they were all faggots. The next 'Bond Girl' could be a man instead of standing in as his beard.

December 26, 2005

Happy Newtonmas (belated)!

Hey, Quenchosphere! I was super-busy yesterday tearing open packages of books about the history of the alphabet, money management for twentysomethings, everything Irish, and how to find a man (the latter courtesy of my grandmother, who seems to miss the point that I'm not looking for a man). All of which means that I neglected to wish you all a Happy Newtonmas!

According to Wikipedia,

Newtonmas is a secular holiday celebrated on 25 December each year in honor of Sir Isaac Newton's birthday. Newton was born on 25 December 1642 (OS). He made important advances in science and mathematics, held a professorship at Trinity College without joining the clergy, and according to the legend, his ideas about gravity were inspired by a falling apple. For secularists who enjoy being caught up in Christmas excitement but consider Christmas a religious holiday, his birthday fortuitously provides a convenient opportunity for non-religious celebration.
Also note that "Newton was born before the introduction into England of our present Gregorian calendar; if we retroactively apply that calendar backwards to include his birth, it would fall on 4 January." Which means that, technically, I have a second chance to wish you all a happy.

Of course, this is not just a holiday for "secularists." Other brands of non-Christian can join in the fun - and even Christians who appreciate scientific inquiry and the pursuit of knowledge are finding themselves celebrating Newtonmas alongside Christmas these days. Traditions (can we call them "traditions" yet? This is all still pretty new...) include the following, from Gordon Worley:

Newtonmas is the celebration of Newton's birthday. It begins with decorating the apple tree. Because it's not nice to kill trees to bring them in your house, it's best to get something green and treelike and put apples, preferably synthetic ones, on it. But if you have a living apple tree in the yard, decorate it festively with lights and ornaments.

Newtonmas morning everyone gathers around the Newtonmas Tree---although not before everyone has showered, dressed, and brushed their teeth and had a bite to eat---and exchanges gifts of knowledge. These gifts are usually books, but CDs, videos, and other media are okay so long as they substantially contribute to the recipient's intellectual development. People with a lot of time and patience may also give free lecture passes, good for a free lecture on some topic in the near future. Creativity is encouraged, so be prepared for some `special' gifts.

With gifts exchanged, everyone begins the most important Newtonmas tradition---procrastination. Now that you have new sources of knowledge, it's time to get busy not absorbing their contents. Eat a big meal, take a nap, talk with friends and family. Just do anything but be productive.

Sounds good to me, yo. I'm off to, um ... not read any of the books I've gotten this year. If I can hold off, that is - Spoken Here (courtesy of my Estimat's mother, who apparently really likes me) is mighty appealing ...

soccer practice with the water polo team

Last night I decided to show my 16-year-old straight boy little brother the wonder that is Soccer Practice.

About 20 seconds in: "I'm feeling kind of uncomfortable."

One minute later: "...I think this video is making me gay." "And how does that make you feel?" "I feel... empowered!"

10 seconds later: "Are those drag queens? Oh my god."

At the end of the video: "WHOA. That was TOTALLY uncalled for. Dude! AHH."

Some unrelated conversation followed, but after about five minutes my brother randomly interrupted: "Hey, do you have that soccer practice song just as a song, without the video? Because the video makes me hella uncomfortable but the song is actually pretty tight."

ah, little brother. so much fun to mess with.

Oh, dreams

You know how sometimes you wake up from a dream, and you know something with conviction? For me it’s usually the solution to some problem I’ve been struggling with or some insight about an internal dilemma. Well, a couple days ago I woke up feeling more sure of anything than I have in a long while. My inner voice clearly stated: "Bisexuality is being the green octopus." I have definitely lost it, folks.

December 22, 2005

de Beauvoir's Masterpiece, Mangled

[edit: de Beauvoir's full name is Simonde Lucie-Ernestine-Marie-Bertrand de Beauvoir, and she was born on 9 January 1908 and died on 14 April 1986. Who on this blog wasn't about one year old then? (Other than me, I mean. Assholes.)]

Fun facts:

  • The only English version of The Second Sex is a hack translation.
  • The copyright owner, Knopf, won't pay to have a new one done - nor will they let anyone else do it, either.

Solution: sign the petition asking Knopf to commission a non-fuxx0r3d translation. Here's an excerpt of the petition:

Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex is an important and influential text in the realm of feminism/philosophy. Unfortunately, the only English translation currently available is flawed to such an extent that much of Beauvoir's original meaning has been lost or obscured. Large portions of the text have been cut, while key philosophical terms have been mistranslated. The inadequacy of the current translation may well be contributing to the belief, prevalent in certain circles, that the text need not be taken seriously by phenomenologists and other academics.

Random House/Knopf has repeatedly refused to publish or authorize a scholarly journal to publish a new, more accurate translation, despite ongoing pressure from members of the academic community.

Thanks, Waiting for Dorothy!

December 20, 2005

my congressman is sketchy

So this post has a little backstory. About a month ago, I called my congressman about the Darfur Accountability Act, asking him to cosponsor it. I kind of figured he wouldn't even support it because he usually doesn't support stuff like that.

This post isn't really about the act itself, but more about his response. When I first picked up his response and read it, I was surprised because it seemed to share my position - it seemed that he supported the act.

Then I looked again - he never directly said "I support the act." He in fact, deftly sidestepped the question, making it clear that he doesn't support it. He wrote 3 paragraphs on the act:

paragraph 1: summary - there is a conflict in darfur and it is bad.
paragraph 2: summary - an explanation of the act itself using very positive language, although, upon second reading, clearly doesn't actually say he supports it.
paragraph 3: summary - "we cannot falter in pressuring an end to this ethnic cleansing in Sudan... I am hopeful the actions of this Congress, working with the United Nations will bring an end to the suffering in Sudan."

But he never actually supports the act. He just clearly led me to believe that he does.

My senator is sending letters that intentionally deceive. I object!

Emily Zilch, Dyke Extraordinaire

The 3-Variable Sexuality Spectrum Test
by kitsunechild

I scored 85 Homosexuality
19 Asexuality
& 17 Heterosexuality!

You are either gay or bisexual (preferring your own gender) with a moderate to high sex drive. The higher your score in homosexuality, the more you are attracted to your own gender. A higher asexuality score means that you place a bigger emphasis on the emotional aspects of a relationship and less on the physical.

December 18, 2005

This would be even funnier if it weren't so true.

This made me laugh. It's from the onion.

December 15, 2005

Northampton is awesome!

Gender Identity and Expression non-discrimination legislation just passed in Northampton. This is the third city in Massachusetts to protect us! (1st cambridge, 2nd boston).

Great work, everyone who worked on this!

"What This Film Lacks..."

how many times have i voiced this same opinion? (back me up here.)

doryllis came over last night and we watched The Forty-Year-Old-Virgin, which was funny but lacked werewolves.
thanks, ginmar! glad to see you back in action.

[cross-posted to w4d.]

women move into another profession in which they are underrepresented

Why are people so surprised that women are committing crime, too, now. Can you believe it?

Investigators working the cases are wondering whether another five or six unsolved auto thefts and robberies might be the handiwork of two women, a rare case in law enforcement.

Sgt. Robert Ruiz of the East Side divisional gang unit has been involved in such investigations for more than 10 years. He said he does not remember the last time he came across a pair of female partners in crime.

"In most crimes committed by females, the females are usually with a male suspect. It's not so much just two females ... like in that movie, Thelma and Louise."

I am so glad that he compared it to a movie. That was really professional. Also, a very realistic movie at that.

But women committing crimes, now this is an interesting piece of news! Thousands of crimes committed each day by mean, but we write an article about gender when women do it, looking at it as some aberration. I don't usually see people talking about crime as a men's issue, even though, statistically, it is. (Granted, some crimes are gendered differently than other crimes.)

What do people think about the language used to describe female criminals?

Ryan's Op-Ed

Ryan wrote an op-ed in the Crimson today about words. For those of you studying too hard to read the whole thing, it says:

Pronouns and terminology that express personal identity are not just about semantics. Words are more than words. Ze and hir are necessary pronouns for people who may not identify in a binary structure of male and female, and calling these pronouns ridiculous fundamentally means that you think living outside of that binary is equally ridiculous. It’s not just a linguistic distinction, it’s a question of real, lived experiences of Harvard students who have been harassed, beaten up, chased, and threatened because they don’t conform to their attackers’ conceptions of “maleness” or “femaleness.” You don’t even have to be transgender to be a victim; you just have to look different than the stereotypical male or female gender norm. It absolutely happens at Harvard, and those who would feign blindness on the issue need to realize that people they know are victims.

December 14, 2005

The Cthulhu Cthozy

O my sweet, leaping Nyarlat-Hotep, someone's gone and made dildo/penis cozies to resemble Great Cthulhu (bless Its slumber & bless Its waking) and The Flying Spaghetti Monster. And they are for sale on eBay: Cthulhu Cthozy (bless Its slumber & bless Its waking) & The Flying Spaghetti Monster Cozy

Great Cthulhu (front)(side)(rear)
The Flying Spaghetti
Monster (front)

Ha ha, I was just talking about (knitted) penis cozies the other night with Tea Cozy...

Thanks, Warren Ellis!


Check out this stunning denunciation of feminism in today's Crimson. I don't know about y'all, but I think I'm ready to throw in the towel...

"The disproportionate number of women in science indicates that there must be disproportionately few men in some other discipline—English, for example. Yet, we hardly ever hear about them..."
Um, that would be because only 40% of English professors at Harvard are women.

(Oh, and I'm glad to hear we have one big, happy, "unified feminism" now.)

HMS: Moms May Influence Children’s Body Image

I'm controlling my urge to be really snarky about this, because I really do think it's grand that someone is finally paying attention to this particular vector of parent-child fucked-up-ness transmission. (It's one close to my heart.) But with that said, well... fucking duh!

December 13, 2005

Really Important News Update

Hi quench!

I just wanted to update you on some really important news. This affects us all on the deepest level humanly possible.

Two New Zealanders just created the biggest ball of tape ever. Here is a picture of it.

This story explains that these two bult the ball of diameter 2.5 meters and mass 53kgs. Therefore, they beat the US record of a mere 45.65kg. Apparently "It was a joke to begin with," according to one of them. I guess then it got serious.

What does this mean for US/NZ diplomatic relations? What about the relationship between the countries' citizens on a one-on-one basis?

Post your comments here!

Williams Executed

Stanley "Tookie" Williams was executed in Marin County, CA, last night. To my knowlege, he's the only Nobel Peace Prize nominee to be put to death in United States. He was the 1003rd person executed since capital punishment was reinstated in 1976. Here's an article from the BBC.

From the Department of Justice:

December 12, 2005

a perspective in what sydney's race riots are doing to everyone

Everyone's been talking about the race riots in Sydney and I was reading the Sydney Morning Herald this morning, which is, by the way, a fabulous paper, I read this editorial which I really think is worth reading, especially to hear the point of view of someone not involved in the riots themselves and how the riots have changed everyday life.

Also, an article about how PM John Howard for some crazy reason still is trying to convince the world that these riots are not about race. Sickening.

One more opinion here.

Interesting, here the largest paper in Australia blames male constructed gender roles for the riots. Something you would expect to see here in a WGS class, but I don't know if I'd expect it in a major paper.

important question

raine: "why do my hands smell like pussy? can anyone tell me?"
tea cozy: "were you holding hands with me at any point this evening?"

One more place to micturate in peace

micturate v : eliminate urine
[From Latin micturre, to want to urinate, desiderative of
meiere, to urinate. See meigh- in Indo-European Roots.]

Spotted in a bathroom in Big-City University (where yours truly is currently a student): a class project to design "the bathroom of the future" produced not one, but three different gender-neutral bathrooms. Apparently, this is what the future holds. Although I'm not sure about the idea that "gender is so done" (I know a lot of people for whom it's a useful concept, even if it's more complicated than Bathrooms Of the Past would presume), I like these.

So two thumbs up to the Social Spaces class at B-C U; if any of y'all are curious about the project, I got the prof's e-mail address, and would be happy to forward queries along. (I'm not sure she'd appreciate me posting her address here, but I can't imagine she'd object to hearing from you...)

December 11, 2005

chibi quench!

Thanks to the gaia dream creator, we're proud to present...

Chibi Quench
brought to you by spork and raine

icarusmaudite entendante raine
sporktea cozyaurora
wannatakethisoutside queer little fellowprince eric
gromphusartemis luna yet to be named
yet to be named stefanmischa

since we've mentioned Harvey Mansfield...

I am in his government tutorial, required for all Harvard sophomores studying government. He translated Alexis deTocqueville's Democracy in America, which reads:

One can easily conceive that in striving to equalize one sex with the other, one degrades them both; and that from this coarse mixture of nature's works, only weak men and disreputable women can ever emerge. (574)
I have a few comments, and feel free to add yours:
1. What the F&#*!?!?!
2. All that he is saying is that traits acceptable in men would destroy the reputation of a woman, and that traits acceptable in women would destroy the strength of a man. This is not an argument! This is just accepting all stereotypes and being totally sexist!! (obviously, but I guess I haven't seen it so blatant in my college readings before)
3. How can he even talk about equality of the sexes when he sees this many fundamental differences in them, and is totally conforming to stereotypes?

"i'm not telling you my gender" facebook group now has 69 members

I did not realize how many people were so supportive. 69 members already! Wow.

69 is good...

but I digress.

My feeling is that this is part of a more general rising understanding and support for trans students and staff on campus. (granted, the rising support seems to be a support for this general idea that they would support people if they knew hypothetical trans people, while still pretending that they are really far away and unknown, rather than realizing that we're everywhere and not just some sort of statistical anomaly.) I still think that this support is a great step. I mean, that people even were able to read what was on the facebook group and know what it meant and want to join.

Here is the text on the group page, for those not on the facebook:

Harvard makes you list your gender on my.harvard. Screw that. I protest.

Edit your profile to remove your "sex" from your facebook profile and/or join this group to show you don't think other people should have to put up theirs.

This group is also about not having to tell people one's gender, more generally, not just on my.harvard.

Clearly this doesn't cover all trans issues or even pretend to but it's the only facebook group I know of that is specifically dedicated to genderqueer/trans support.

69 friends and counting!

The Best Medicine

If you have never checked out Something Awful's Fashion S.W.A.T. articles, you are about to experience the pure bliss of laughing until you nearly piss yourself.

Seriously. At first, you giggle; then, you snort; then you just lose it. Basically, they take people's MySpace photos and talk about them. My favourite one to date is this one: the sheer insanity of the situations they invent left me near-herniated. But the comments on comic-book characters were pretty good, too, such as their diatribe on Strange Adventures 201: Animal Man battles "The Mod Gorilla Boss!"

Zack: That is a fucking strange adventure, I'm not going to disagree.

Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, it's not every day that we see a hipster ape grabbing a dude's ass.

Zack: I think he's supposed to be a mobster. He must have escaped from the laziest jail ever. They just paint stripes on the clothes you arrived wearing.

Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, but he's also a mod, for some reason. So not only is he a mob boss ape, but he drives a Vespa and listens to The Jam.

Zack: As someone who knows some Italian people I have to say I am really offended by the stereotypical portrayal of Italians as purple gorillas.

Dr. Thorpe: I know quite a few Italians who just happen to be purple gorillas, but I'm offended that they portray Italian purple gorillas as menacing and violent. And homosexual.

Zack: Well who knows what "A-Man" was doing before the mob gorilla boss had to take care of business. Look at the position the guy is in. It's like he was sledding down a hill, flew into the air, and strayed into the airspace that the gorilla had claimed as his own.

Dr. Thorpe: Check out the look on A-Man's face as that ape grabs his butt. "Friend zone breached!"

Zack: I think A-man is enjoying it based on that blue bulge extending from his midriff.

Dr. Thorpe: Whoa. There are very few things that bulge could be.

Zack: His super suit doesn't have pockets so maybe it's a coin purse or some sort of satchel for his sack lunch.


December 10, 2005

I'm not a lesbian, I'm just not interested in *you.*

aka: These boots are made for ... fucking women?

I get the weird ones, I'm telling you...*

So, my cross-country odyssey from Big University City to Big Hometown City involved much crossing through airport security yesterday. Since it was blizzardy in Big University City, I was wearing my Fabulous Pirate Boots (tm), which I love and which protect my feet from banks of snow tall enough to swallow golden retriever puppies whole.

Now, I had to take the boots off to go through security, and it took me a while to get my stuff together on the other side of the metal detector before they even came down the conveyor belt to me. During this time, as I put my laptop back into my backpack, my iPod into my pocket, my coat on my arms, etc., I noticed the chap behind me in the line looking at me shyly and smiling. I smiled back politely, if a little grumpily, airport security not being a setting which is generally conducive to perkiness on my part.

Then my boots come down the line and I start to wrestle them back onto my feet, over my jeans ... and the guy's face falls, and I hear him say (apparently to himself), "Oh ... nevermind ..."

I turn, thinking perhaps he'd been talking to me, and ask, "Hmm?"

He blushes and says, "Oh, it's just - I was going to ask you to join me for a coffee once we were through, but then I saw your boots, and - well, I figured out that you weren't ... weren't the type of lady who'd take well to that sort of invitation ... from a man ..."

I cock my head, sure I'd misheard him. "Sorry," he mumbles, and wanders off.

Right. 'Cause my boots make me a dyke? Interesting, though, that he arrived at the right conclusion (namely, that I was not going to be having coffee with him) by going down all the wrong pathways.

Because, firstly - I know lots of straight women who wear these boots. They're useful for wearing at Renaissance faires and medieval events (which is, in fact, why I own them), and I have at least one 'faire friend who wears hers to her tech-support job. And as I mentioned, they're great in tall snow.

However - I am, in fact, queer.

However - I do, nevertheless, date guys.

However - I was not, nevertheless, going to be dating, even coffee-dating, this guy.

Because - I'm already seeing someone.

And also because - I'm not a big fan of guys who assume things about me (other than that I am a raging hot vixen) based on my boots.

*remind me some time to tell y'all about hijab-boy...

issue 4: CAN WE HAVE GAY SEX IN WALMART? II the afterglow

Hey everyone!

Here's Issue 4. Same with issue 3, there are a few pages that we can't remember where they've scanned to so they are temporarily having their places held by those little cartoon nerdy boys with a sign. Happy reading! Keep checking back and the nerdy boys with signs will be replaced by actual pages. And quenchers - please, if you know where the missing flickr account is, let me and spork know!

Happy reading. Also, feel free to comment on these issues here.

And start submitting for issue 5!

I decided to take this on tonight. I was not being delinquent before.